Tammy

So the 1 year anniversary of Tammy's death has come and gone. August 28, 2007. I didn't realize how much it was still going to affect me. I just can't pinpoint HOW it is affecting me. Do I miss her? Why would I. She was not part of my current life. She had written us off as part of her family a very long time ago. My life goes on every day and it is not like there is a chunk of it gone now. So I guess I can't say that I miss her. Am I angry? Yes, I think I am angry. I am angry that she did this knowing full well how it would affect my mom. Knowing that my mom would carry this on her shoulders for the rest of her life. I am angry that she saw this as the only way. She made a point to make us feel like we were a horrible family and the source of all her problems. In the end, was that true? Was her new family so much better? If so, why did it come to this? Was it that she realized in the end that we weren't so bad but she couldn't excape where she was? Or couldn't swallow her pride and just call mom and say she was sorry. Or not say sorry, just call. Hmmm..... Am I sad? Yes I am sad. Sad for many reasons. And I think I will carry this sadness for a long time.